Thursday, October 12, 2006

No Hope Of Winning War Without More Cheese

SMITHS FALLS, ONTARIO, Thursday 12 October, 2006 (RATTERS):

The Doggerel government today announced a major new offensive in the War on Rodents. Prime Minister Deacon said, "We are sending more troops to the front line, and equipping them with state of the art traps, together with powerful baits. We expect this offensive to mark the turning point in the war. We intend to flush mice out of every cupboard, every drawer, every hole that my cabinet colleagues have dug in the kitchen carpet."

The Doggerel government is barking up the wrong tree in the war, said New Rodent Party leader Jack 'Rat' Lateone. "Using traps and poison is no way to kill mice," he said. "We need to sit down and talk with the mice; we need to understand what motivates them, and why they are attacking our kitchen in the first place."

Initial reports suggest that as the mice retreat from the kitchen, they may be regrouping in the barn and even in the car. A special trapping unit has been deployed on the back seat and in the trunk, according to Doggerel sources.