Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Corgis Sniff Out Top Secret Court Papers

Doggerel Party of Canada Exclusive! Divorce proceedings obtained by corgis, published here for the first time, ably assisted by Neo.

Ontario Family Court
Divorce Complaint

Plaintiff : Reality

Defendant: University of Toronto


1. Plaintiff states: My name is Reality. I have lived in most of the known world for the majority of history. In common with most academic institutions I had entered into a marital relationship with the University of Toronto, Toronto, Ontario Canada. We separated some time ago with the introduction of such programs as the Sexual Diversity Program.

2. Reality alleges that the relationship has now suffered irreparable breakdown. The University has begun to behave erratically in recent months with bizarre and capricious episodes of nonsensical policy making becoming more and more frequent.

3. University has now come to believe that removing a legitimate sporting club from its campus, that has operated for nearly a century without injury to anyone will in some way contribute to a lessening of gun violence in the City of Toronto.

4. Reality therefore believes that the University has entered into an extra marital relationship with person(s) unknown, but definitely not related to Reality.

5. Reality requests the Court to grant a full decree of Divorce as soon as possible in order that both Reality and the University may leave their relationship behind and move forward with their own lives.

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Evils of Blogger?

I ran TDPC through the Gematriculator which uses numerology to determine the good and evil contained in a website or passage of text. Interestingly, when just the URL www.doggerelparty.ca is entered, I scored 39% evil, 61% good. However when I stripped out the text of my posts only, to prevent the Gematriculator enumerating HTML and script code, my rating improved to 24% evil, 76% good.

It can therefore be concluded that of the total evil in my blog, Blogger itself is responsible for 15 / 39 or nearly 38%. You have been warned.

H/t Red Tory.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

In Other News, Hell Gets Chilly

... and I find myself in some agreement with Red Tory.

In his post here, RT discusses the nature of free speech in the blogosphere and in particular the concept of pseudonymity (as distinct from anonymity). This is actually a thoughtfull and well written take on the issues and (partisan tidbits aside) I'm inclined to agree with most of it.

I chose to begin blogging under my real first name, but with the intent of remaining unidentified as far as possible; like RT there are good personal and professional reasons. However, as things unfurled, particularly on the local Montague township front, many people identified me anyway (how many households in Eastern Ontario have three corgis?) and the world didn't end.

So now, I still use the same name, but my true identity is only as hard to find as a DNS lookup. I trust in the general civility of society and the law and its enforcers to ensure there are no negative consequences; I try to keep things civil here and I avoid anything to do with my professional life - similar to RT, really.

Canadian Cynic on the other hand prefers to remain pseudonymous, by his own confession, not out of any of the considerations that RT mentions, but out of a wish to avoid 'harassment' for his more extreme writings. This is arguably just cowardice. However, I wouldn't want to see CC prevented from spewing his odious crap; we're all free to put him in his place and that's really the nature of the whole free speech thing. As to whether he'd be ashamed of what he wrote if friends, family, fellow students or co-workers knew it was him, that's a matter for his own conscience, whatever form that might take.

Compare And Contrast

Those evil imperialist American invaders with the saintly U.N. peacekeepers so beloved of the left.

I Am Spartacus

Kathy Shaidle suggests that we all post the supposedly offending content that has gotten Free Dominion into hot water with the unelected, unaccountable and faceless bureaucrats at the CHRC.

Happy to oblige:

04/24/06 "I can't figure out why the homosexuals I ran into are on the side of the Muslims. After all, Muslims who practice Sharia law tend to advocate beheading homosexuals."

03/09/06 "I defy Islamic censorship and speak about what I believe is the truth about violent Islamism and its threat to religious liberty in Canada."

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Just Fancy That

Sarcasm really is a service he provides:

Canadian Cynic, 2007/07/17:

"With all due respect, Wanda, fuck you and your grief."

Canadian Cynic, 2007/07/21:

"...I was a bit over-the-top and there was no real need to come on that hard-assed but one of my cats was hit by a car and killed last weekend so it's been a shitty week all around and I felt like venting and, unfortunately, your cousin happened to wander in front of the sights at just the wrong time and ... well, you get the idea." [emphasis added]

Friday, July 20, 2007

The Progressive Alternate Service Book

A Service Of Remembrance For a Fallen Soldier

The Celebrant (Cynic) and Acolytes (Ti-Guy, Red Tory) enter in procession.

OPENING HYMN: F--k you, Christian Soldiers

Celebrant: The flame war be with you.
All: No, the flame war be with you.

Celebrant: Lift up my hit counter.
All: We lift it up on Sitemeter.

Celebrant: Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to denigrate, insult, mock and degrade the memory of this fallen soldier. He gave his life in the service of the neo-con fascist Stephen Harper (or it may be Paul Martin, or Jean Chretien).
All: It served him right, the militaristic bastard.

Celebrant: But of course we don't want any more to die, do we?
All: Well, we suppose not. Although it does win NDP votes.

Celebrant: Lord, it is very right, meet and proper that all fascist, neo-con pigs meet their maker in as painful a manner as possible, and we beseech thee to make the grief of their relatives also as hurtful as possible.
All: With our help. Amen.

The Celebrant will then solemnly administer the 'F--k you' to the relatives of the deceased.

Celebrant: Let us pray.
Our Osama, who maybe art in Afghanistan,
Famous be thy name.
Thy attacks come, thy bombs explode in Canada, as it is in New York.
Give us today our daily food for blogging.
Do not forgive us our sins, for we have none,
And lead us not into democracy, but deliver us from Harper.

Celebrant: For Osama may blow up a few buildings and kill some people.
All: Big deal. Harper is the real terrorist.

Celebrant: Go in peace to love and serve everyone.
All: Except those who disagree with us. F--k them. Amen.

CLOSING HYMN: We Shall, We Shall Cut And Run


A sharp eyed reader noticed the striking resemblance between Canadian Cynic and the man who caused some outrage on Canada Day last year when he urinated on the National War Memorial. Could they by chance be related?

Although it should be pointed out that the gentleman who urinated on the war memorial at least had the grace to go public and apologise.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Liberals, Speaking Relatively

Liberal Catnip comments on my earlier post (welcome, LC!). Hidden away in a fairly lengthy comment is the following gem:
You fail to appreciate the fact that poverty is relative to the country in whichit appears.
So, to those on the left, not only are morals now relativistic, but so is poverty. Odd, because I'd always thought that fundamentally the needs of each and every human being were similar; that someone living in even a poor social housing neighbourhood in Toronto was less poor than someone living in a refugee camp in Africa and subsisting on UN food aid. I'd always pictured that Torontonian having more of their needs met than the African and therefore being less poor. But no. Relatively speaking, the Canadian is poorer, because (God forbid) Canada has rich people too, while the African refugee camp doesn't.

Follow this to its logical conclusion and we should abandon all international aid, because, as long as everyone in a country is poor, then, relatively speaking nobody is. What patent nonsense.

Relativism is a necessary tool for any left-winger, because it's the only way to avoid what psychologists call 'dissonance' - the holding of simultaneously contradictory ideas and viewpoints.

For example, without using relativism, how could someone (rightly) believe that the Catholic Church and Catholics in general should be held accountable for the actions of pedophile priests, while simultaneously condemning the suggestion that Islam and Moslems be held accountable for their followers flying planes into buildings.

Uncomfortable as it is for liberals, the fact is that there are absolutes in life. There is right and there is wrong; moral and immoral, rich and poor. Morals don't change, mores do.

Don't misunderstand me - I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't be striving to address the conditions in which our own poorest people live - and that First Nations should be at the top of that list. We must find solutions to these problems, although after 30 years of throwing liberal dollars at the issue I humbly suggest that it might be time to recognise that it might take more than money. But that would mean doing something practical, and the left would rather sit in ivory towers of academia or DSL-connected apartments and preach.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Needle's Eye

To follow on the train of thought from the previous post and to provide some food for thought on what it means to be truly poor: The following is (c) Copyright The Estate of the Late T.G.F.P. and is not to be republished without permission.

The R.I1 mistress comes to the staffroom late
For a cigarette, and overflows a chair.
When she subsides her breasts still oscillate.
Women so fat are prized in Africa.

From her distended handbag loll the pictures,
Ready supplies of pamphlets on starvation,
The burnished globes of bellies and the sticks
Of limbs that tell of over-population.
An airline ticket to the U.S.A.
Is there beside them. I have seen that country,
My spiritual mistress, but I best remember
The living corpses on Mombasa quay.

The nylons, flesh-inflated and expensive,
Are comfortably wide apart. Her wrist
Tilting the cigarette above the chatter
Writes easy benediction; I hear her say:
"I've just been fixing up the film projector,
It brings it home, you know - I mean the real
Conditions in which people must exist.
Our girls - how can they truly think or feel
For others as they should? They all have plenty,
As I was saying this morning to the Rector.

My spiritual mistress, two-and-twenty,
Your knickers and my thoughts are showing stress.
I'm once more with a dirty crowd that's waiting
The nightly swill-bins from a white hotel
In new Calcutta. Porters fling their bread
Into the gutter and they fight for it.
Who'd follow bleeding feet? Who was it said
The over-privileged are close to hell?

Yes; but your classroom-Christ and Kodachrome
Should both ensure your lesson will go well.

1R.I. - Religious Instruction, something that used to be taught in English schools

Tuesday Night Roundup

You already read Canadian Cynic's latest, most likely. No comment from me; it speaks more about him than I ever could.

There's an interesting discussion over at the CBC on the generation gap between the boomers and the rest of us. It's interesting because it takes apart many of the issues of the day but with a generational divide rather than the usual left-right split. There are lefties blaming the boomer generation for global warming, poverty, et al, and righties blaming them for the breakdown of families, massive debt levels and so forth. Me, I'm just jealous that sex and drugs had turned dangerous by the time I came along.

Liberal Catnip thinks that PMSH's speech in Chile, in which he holds up Canada as an example of the 'third way' between Soviet-style Venezuela and the hard capitalism of the US, is inaccurate. She thinks the Canadian government is authoritarian, while Chavez is all sweetness and light. She doesn't quite explain how, if that were the case, she's managing to stay out of jail. If she lived in Venezuela and wrote about Chavez the way she writes about Canadian politics, she'd be missing in action PDQ. That's authoritarian. LC wouldn't know it if it bit her - which it won't, because she's Canadian. And nor should it. That someone is willfully ignorant should not prevent them from enjoying their freedom of speech.

Similarly with poverty - LC thinks that Canada is drowning in poverty - 'visited a shelter or a reserve lately?' she asks. Have you ever seen a South American favela, LC? I have. There isn't a place, a reserve, a shelter, a street corner, anywhere in Canada that compares. That's poverty. To try to line yourself up in that same company is classic liberal-elite arrogance and is just insulting to the truly poor of this world. I'm sure it salves what passes for a conscience in left-wing circles, but it's crocodile tears. Truth is, every Canadian is damn lucky to be Canadian.

Finally, to Wanda Watkins, to all the mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters who have lost loved ones in the service of Canada, to those who have fallen, to those who serve: we salute you, we appreciate you and we are grateful for the chance to live in the great nation you have helped to build and protect for us. That there are those who are ignorant enough to let their politics get ahead of their morals should not discourage you.

Motorcycle Advice

Continuing the automotive theme, TDPC is considering the purchase of a mid-life crisis motorcycle. I used to ride one as a youth back in the old country and I'm looking to get back in the saddle. With a 70km each way commute along twisty county roads, I'm looking for a commuter bike with sporty handling and touring comfort, as well as something that won't fall over when I get home to my own dirt road.

So far, the only bike I can find that really seems to fit the bill is the Suzuki DL-650 V-Strom, which seems to be a successful sports-tourer hybrid, not too large for someone who is, if not a new rider, coming back to bikes after more than 20 years.

Any readers who have other suggestions, or experience or comments on the V-Strom, advice would be welcome.

Return of the Hamster

Canadian viewers finally got to see the return of Richard Hammond to BBC's Top Gear this Sunday. Although we already knew he was safe and well and back at work, it was still a special TV moment. Hammond seems in fine form, although he looks as though he's aged a bit and I noticed they didn't have him doing much driving or strenuous work.

With these days of universal nanny-state and global warming hot air, it was good to know that Top Gear will remain 'three ordinary blokes cocking around in cars'. When the rest of the media has gone wall-to-wall green, with their unquestioning adulation of all things Gore, I take solace from the fact that Jeremy Clarkson will be the last to give in to either the left-wing nanny state or the global warming bandwagon. There will always be a voice of reason, and there will always be excessive speed, tire smoke and wasteful gasoline consumption in at least one corner of the BBC.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Man Eating Badgers: Layton Urges Negotiation

Reports that man-eating badgers have been deployed in the southern Iraqi city of Basra are being denied by official British sources. However, a witness interviewed by the Associated Press has said that his mother's sister's cousin has a friend whose father's wife's aunt knows someone who has seen at least 12 Iraqis mauled by the ferocious beasts.

In Canada, Liberal leader Stephane Dion called for the withdrawal of the badgers by 2009, citing environmental concerns. "Use of the badger population in this way is not sustenable," he told journalists. "We should be seeking alternatives and looking for renewable sources of animal weaponry."

NDP leader Jack Layton urged negotiation with the badgers. "We need to sit down with these badgers, listen to what they have to say and come up with a compromise. Perhaps all they really want is to be fed some stray dogs and this will stop them attacking innocent civilians."

UPDATE: TDPC welcomes readers of RedTory's most excellent blog. Come in, enjoy yourselves, meet the corgis. They don't bite unless you're virulently socialist.

UPDATER: On that note, please amend the last sentence of the above post to 'stray cats'.

Bye Bye Tony..... Ouch

From the UK's Private Eye magazine...

Friday, July 06, 2007

Ottawa's 'Doctor Hope' Raided

Slipping under the radar in May was news from the Ottawa Police that they assisted the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario in executing a search warrant at a premises on Fifth Avenue, in the Glebe. By coincidence, this is where the offices of the Canadian Cancer Research Group are located. The press release:

News Releases Ottawa Police Service
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Friday, May 11, 2007, 10:40 am

Ottawa Police Service assisted Investigators of the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario(Ottawa)

On Thursday May 10th at 10:00 am the Ottawa Police Service assisted in the execution of a warrant by Investigators with the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario under the Regulated Health Professions Act. The warrant was executed at a business located on Fifth Ave. No arrest were made and no charges were laid.

The investigation is ongoing by the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario under the Regulated Health Professions Act

Contact: Detective Mitch Proteau
Ottawa Police Service Central East District Investigations
613-236-1222 ext 5636

CTV's W-FIVE aired an award winning show about the activities of the CCRG under the title 'Doctor Hope' a while back, and for anyone interested in health issues and quackery, it's worth a watch. Those of us who have followed the activities of the CCRG for several years are pleased to see this development.

h/t to Bayblab.

And..... We're Back!

Fresh from dealing with a bunch of personal situations which have interfered with blogging for the last month, TDPC returns. And what a month it's been; time to catch up.

First, tragedy in Montague, with the death of Korie-Lyn Edwards, the 17-month old mauled by her family's Rottweiler / Shepherd cross on Canada Day. Our hearts go out to the family in their loss, and to the emergency workers and animal control officials who were faced with this situation. Montague is a tight-knit community, despite any differences which may persist, and we hope the Edwards family is receiving the support and encouragement they need at this time.

Second, a memo to those who are supposedly offended by the Pope's recent decision to encourage (or rather to be less discouraging of) the use of the Latin Mass. Shrieks of protest over this move (from non-Catholics, who apparently feel they still have a right to write liturgy for someone else's religion). Get over it people. The Mass is centuries old and to pick one line from all the prayers in all the Masses for all the days of the year and deliberately twist its intentions is plain stupid. Get a thicker skin, grow up and deal. Frankly, in this day and age you should be grateful any time anyone prays for you. Thanks for listening.

Third: Support Our Troops day in Carleton Place, Ont. this Sunday. Details here. TDPC will be represented by yours truly and at least one Pupperel, and possibly some corgis as well. This is a major event with the Central Band of the Canadian Forces, pipe bands, the local concert band, etc. If you're anywhere close, put on the red and come out to this event; the troops need our support more than ever in these days of mounting casualties and Taliban Jack.

Fourth: Did anyone else notice that CBC Radio reported Mr. Justice Kirkland telling native leader Shawn Brant that he 'admired and respected' him, before denying him bail? This echos a scene in David Attenborough's Gandhi where a British judge regretfully consigns Gandhi to one of his spells in British custody. Sadly for Mr. Justice Kirkland, however, Shawn Brant is no Gandhi; he is by his own admission the leader of an armed militant insurgency, and proud to have earned the label 'terrorist' in that famous DND report. If our politicians won't act to control such a man and the criminals he leads, and our judges openly express admiration for him... well... I'll be bailing out of the handbasket before it gets to its final destination, thanks.

That's it for now... hopefully I'll be back on a more regular basis from now on.