Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Recession: An Apology

During the recent election campaign and parliamentary crisis over the fiscal update, we may have given the impression that Prime Minister Harper was evil and uncaring as he tried to remain positive and optimistic about Canada's economy. In contrast, M. Stephane Dion, Mr. John McCallum, et al were compassionate, truthful and sensible in predicting dire economic circumstances and a deep recession.

We now realize that Prime Minister Harper is in fact evil and uncaring for predicting worsening economic uncertainty in recent days, thus helping to create just that, while Mr. McCallum is in fact a hero for trying to remain optimistic.

We apologize for any confusion this may have caused. (c) All Media Outlets 2008.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Annals Of The Painfully Obvious, Chapter 38


They could have replaced Dion with a lump of head cheese and they would still have got a favorable response from the public.

Consumer Advisory

Doggerel Security Labs has uncovered a potentially serious flaw in the flagship product of LibSoft. Despite a recently released patch designed to correct such vulnerabilities, it appears the latest version of Liberal Party is still not completely safe. Exploits known to exist in the wild include Coalition.Millstone, Layton.Mouth.Shoot.OFF, Bailout.Billion.$ and a particularly serious threat known as Bloc.Fragmenter, which carries a blackmail payload.

Under certain circumstances, Liberal Party can also be infected with the trojan WK.SponsorshipRequestor, which prompts the user to install the advertisement based software package Chuck. Although it appears innocuous, users who have installed Chuck report that some years later their finances have been compromised and their bank accounts have been funneled to an organized crime syndicate based in Montreal restaurants.

Users are advised not to run Liberal Party until further patches are released and instead should continue to run the far more reliable Conservative Party. *


Has anyone else noticed the resemblance between this picket line

and this one?

No. Me either. Another reason why Ottawa in the winter can really suck.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Which Leader Ignatieff Is That?

What a difference a week and a change of leader makes. Suddenly, the media is back to talking about the Liberals as just the Liberals. Well, let's back up shall we.

Michael Ignatieff is the new Liberal leader. But that makes him the Coalition Leader too. Until he actually says otherwise, he's bound by Dion's signature on the coalition agreement, and his own on the supporting letter to the Governor General. Don't let's forget that. We should be reminding everyone at every turn that Michael Ignatieff is the new Liberal-Bloc-NDP Coalition Leader. Don't call him the Liberal leader until the Coalition has dissolved. Until then, he should properly be referred to as Coalition leader Michael Ignatieff. Put it out there on the web as much as possible, and make sure you challenge MSM references that paint the Liberals as once again a stand-alone party. They are NOT a stand-alone party at this time, they are an inseperable part of the Coalition, and Ignatieff is the leader of that Coalition.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Doggerel Party Labs Recall Notice

Doggerel Party Labs is recalling a batch of Party Leader Decision Tools. It has come to our attention that some of these may be defective, in that both sides of the coin bear the same image. If you have accidentally elected a moose as your party leader, please return your faulty Party Leader Decision Tool for a full refund.

New From Doggerel Party Labs

It's the Party Leader Decision Tool! This handy, pocket-sized marvel will help you with any leadership quandary. Simply flip, check, and flip again if you didn't get Iggy the result you wanted.Order now, and we'll send you a limited edition commemorative, "The Day Democracy Died". This special coin has three sides and two faces, and was only minted on one day in history - Monday, December 1st, 2008. A video infomercial will be available shortly. Do you think it's easy to make a video with paws?

Monday, December 08, 2008

A Prominent Liberal Resigns

A prominent member of the Liberal Party of Canada issued a statement today, in which he or she stated his or her intention to step aside. Who it is, we don't yet know. However, please feel free to fill the comment thread with tributes to the retiring Liberal, as without a doubt he or she was the greatest Prime Minister Canada never had.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Ottawa Rally For Canada

Unfortunately, not all members of TDPC were able to make the rally today, as dogs aren't allowed on buses. However, I did make it to the hill. There was a very good crowd of about 4,000 and some very good speakers. Stephen Taylor was excellent at rousing the troops, and Pierre Polievre was his usual fiery self.

Media coverage is already downplaying the significance of the event, painting it as a CPC organized event (it wasn't) and minimizing the numbers. CBC described the CLC / PSAC organized protest on Thursday, which consisted of public servants crossing the street for a stroll on their lunchbreak as "2,500 demonstrators." Today's crowd is described at as "more than 2,000." Note the factual accuracy but highly torqued spin. Nice one, Coalition Broadcasting Corp.

However, of the motorists on Wellington Street, I'd say a good 50% at least, and probably more, hooted in sympathy. There was a lot of support out there for the concept of good old fashioned voting.

It's clear from today's coverage of the various rallies that the media focus is going to be on promoting the coalition and putting down the pro-democracy side. We're going to have an uphill battle.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Iggy's Christmas Shopping

TDPC spies caught Michael Ignatieff out Christmas shopping yesterday, and noticed he's made a very wise choice of gift for Bob Rae.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Caution: Golf Course in Coquitlam Could Be Dangerous

From the comments at the Coalition Broadcasting Corporation's website, where someone rejoicing in the name 'Broomer' appears to be the anonymous employer who was on the radio this morning claiming he would be laying off employees if he wasn't stimulated immediately. Because I'm sure Broomer's little company is top of the list for Steffi et al. No, really. Forget GM. Stimulate Broomer.

Anyway, buried among Broomer's trolling is this gem:
"You can rest assured he's not my Stephan Harper and another thought came to me after. My golf club is about 75% left leaning"
Which would make his golf course a pretty dangerous place to hang out. Left... is that a hook or a slice? I don't remember, not being someone who Golfs.

Do They Have a Canadians Person?

From the NP:

Ivison: I'm baffled about the statement in the accord that the coalition government will be a partner with Canadians and Quebecers. Don't we consider Quebecers to be Canadians any more?

McCallum: Of course Quebecers are Canadians. Look, I have to go now.

Ivison: Well, how about the permanent consultation mechanism. How does that work?

McCallum: I have done my share. You'll have to try someone else. I'm the economics person.

Does the coalition have a Canadians person? A Quebecers person? A videotape person? An honesty person?

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

An Open Letter to The Governor General

Doggerel Party Headquarters Bunker,
Somewhere in Eastern Ontario.

Your Excellency,

We are sure you have received many letters and messages concerning the current political situation. Some will be urging you to install the proposed coalition government, some to let Mr. Harper continue in power, and some to call an election.

But only this letter can offer you the advice you really need.

In keeping with centuries of royal tradition, we are proud and pleased to offer you the services of not one, not two, but four of the most famous regal advisors of all. Corgis.

We would be pleased to wait on you at Rideau Hall at your convenience and look forward to offering you counsel through this difficult time.


Angie, Deacon, Lucy and Sam
The Doggerel Party of Canada

Too Partisan or not to Partisan?

Well, now. After tonight's most delicious performance by Stephane Dion, what can we say? The Corgis have decided that at this point there is probably no good outcome here for the Liberal Party.

Watercooler conversation and Facebook numbers point to most ordinary Canadians not being too happy with the proposed Coalition of the Swilling, and Dion's performance tonight won't have done much to change that. It's no secret that many Liberals are unhappy about climbing into bed with Duceppe (who wouldn't be?) and indeed the first public defection has just occurred, with Guelph MP Frank Valeriote saying he would rather see cooperation with the government than coalition with the Bloc.

If they win power, those rumblings won't take long to turn into enough defections and unhappiness for them to lose it again, and we'd be back to the polls - either just before or just after a new Liberal leader arrives on the scene. That leader won't be able to put any distance between himself and the coalition, and will wear the public's reaction. The economy will be tanking, nothing will have been achieved and the resulting election will make the Liberals wish they'd held onto the seats they did win this time around.

They can't back down now without wearing the same 'no balls at all' kind of tag that lost Dion the election last time around.

And if they lose this bid for power, let's say by Harper suspending the House until next January and bringing in a budget that contains enough concessions to woo the wavering federalists in Liberal and NDP ranks, then they'll be wearing having put the country through this crisis for nothing.

I have to say, with a partisan hat on, I think they should be allowed to take power and destroy themselves at this point. That would be the worst outcome for the Liberals. Unfortunately they'd take Canada down the drain with them. So perhaps Dion has one thing right. Maybe this isn't the time for partisanship.

Monday, December 01, 2008

The Corgis' Crystal Ball Predicts...

Hansard, January 27, 2009:

The Honourable Stephen Harper, Leader of the Opposition: Can the Prime Minister explain to the House the logic of giving $30 billion in economic stimulus to failing auto manufacturers, while at the same time hitting Canadian business with $50 billion in corporate taxation they would have been spared under a Conservative government?

The Right Honourable Stephan Dion, Prime Minister: You mean, if I was Prime Minister since the last election, is that your question? Since when I would have been Prime Minister? Do you think it is easy to make priorities? Can we start again, please, because I have been slow to understand the economy.

That Coalition Economic Stimulus Package In Full...

1. Inject $30 billion into the economy.
2. Take $50 billion out.
3. Er.. that's it.