Friday, July 20, 2007

The Progressive Alternate Service Book

A Service Of Remembrance For a Fallen Soldier

The Celebrant (Cynic) and Acolytes (Ti-Guy, Red Tory) enter in procession.

OPENING HYMN: F--k you, Christian Soldiers

Celebrant: The flame war be with you.
All: No, the flame war be with you.

Celebrant: Lift up my hit counter.
All: We lift it up on Sitemeter.

Celebrant: Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to denigrate, insult, mock and degrade the memory of this fallen soldier. He gave his life in the service of the neo-con fascist Stephen Harper (or it may be Paul Martin, or Jean Chretien).
All: It served him right, the militaristic bastard.

Celebrant: But of course we don't want any more to die, do we?
All: Well, we suppose not. Although it does win NDP votes.

Celebrant: Lord, it is very right, meet and proper that all fascist, neo-con pigs meet their maker in as painful a manner as possible, and we beseech thee to make the grief of their relatives also as hurtful as possible.
All: With our help. Amen.

The Celebrant will then solemnly administer the 'F--k you' to the relatives of the deceased.

Celebrant: Let us pray.
Our Osama, who maybe art in Afghanistan,
Famous be thy name.
Thy attacks come, thy bombs explode in Canada, as it is in New York.
Give us today our daily food for blogging.
Do not forgive us our sins, for we have none,
And lead us not into democracy, but deliver us from Harper.

Celebrant: For Osama may blow up a few buildings and kill some people.
All: Big deal. Harper is the real terrorist.

Celebrant: Go in peace to love and serve everyone.
All: Except those who disagree with us. F--k them. Amen.

CLOSING HYMN: We Shall, We Shall Cut And Run