M. Dion Writes

A Doggerel Party Exclusive

Sources close to Stéphane Dion have supplied TDPC with a brown envelope full of cash containing the missing text from his op-ed in today's National Post. Apparently the piece had to be cut for space reasons. Here, then, the rest of M. Dion's carefully crafted prose:

I call on the Prime Minister to cure cancer by the end of next week. I call on the Prime Minister to provide free daycare spaces to every child in Canada - two each. I call on the Prime Minister to provide a free hydrogen powered car to every family in Canada. I call on the Prime Minister to make Rex Murphy good looking. I call on the Prime Minister to make the CBC unbiased. Er... no, I don't.

I call on the Prime Minister to make eating donuts healthy. I call on the Prime Minister to meet Canada's commitment to a flat earth policy by 2010. I call on the Prime Minister to ensure the last person out of Alberta turns the lights off when they leave. I call on the Prime Minister to make Paul Martin a national monument. I call on the Prime Minister to make Christmas come twice a year.

I call on the Prime Minister to close down 30% of the Canadian economy and put lots of Canadians out of work while at the same time strengthening the economy and providing job opportunities for our children.

I call on the Prime Minister to share these mushrooms with me.