In recent years we may have given readers the impression that the Catholic Church is nothing but a massively wealthy, quasi-criminal organization that is responsible for AIDS, earthquakes, famine, the oppression of women and global warming. We may further have described the Church as a haven for pedophiles and an object worthy of ridicule by all right thinking people.
We now realise that the Catholic Church is in fact a noble institution, whose sacred symbols are worthy of the utmost respect, and we call for the miserable Prime Minister of Canada to be brought before the Church's Inquisitors without delay.
We apologise for any confusion. (C) All Canadian Media Outlets, 2009.