The National Post column of Warren Kinsella has died. It was, ... oh, who honestly cares how old it was?
Removal crews are expected at National Post headquarters next week to begin trucking away stacks of unused headlines, some of which are expected to be auctioned off at Liberal fundraising dinners in the future (your auction bid is not considered a donation, no limits, ahem, ahem, nudge, nudge, see you round the back door later with the envelope).
WHY TIT-FUCK ME JESUS IS NOT OFFENSIVE BUT ANYTHING EZRA SAYS IS
WHY WHEN I COMPARE KEITH MARTIN TO A NAZI IT'S OK BUT IF YOU DO IT TO ME I'LL SUE YOUR ASS
WHY WHEN EZRA SUES SOMEONE IT'S LIBEL CHILL BUT WHEN I DO IT IT'S DIFFERENT
WHY LIBERALS STEALING TAXPAYERS MONEY IS OK (100 copies available)
NOTICE ME, DAMMIT
WHY MEN WITH CAMERAS IN BOYS BATHROOMS ARE AWESOME BUT 8 YEAR OLD'S GRAFFITI THREATENS THE FABRIC OF CANADA (with free 'through the bathroom stall' movie clips)
WHY I LOVE THE SMELL OF JEAN CHRETIEN IN THE MORNING
- that's enough headlines - Ed.
The loss of the column has been greeted with alarm by some dog trainers, who say they will now have to train their pets to defecate on another columnist's work. Owners are advised to print Kinsella blog posts in the interim to help their animals adjust.
The food processing industry reacted favourably, however, with a spokesperson saying that consumers could now rest easy knowing their breakfast cereals were guaranteed not to be repackaged in recycled Kinsella.
Shares in manufacturers of personalized golf-balls were up in early trading.