Tuesday, January 08, 2013

New! From Doggerel Party Toys: The Folk Hero Series

Doggerel Party Toys (Shanghai) Inc. is proud to announce a new, exclusive line of action figures: The Canadian Folk Hero series. This new series of figures are carefully selected by Canadian icon Karren Winsella and lovingly rendered in Saudi sourced petrochemicals. The series begins with three characters, all of whom are indisputably Folk Heroes of Canada.

1. Warren Kinsella

Warren needs no introduction. The action figure comes with stuffed dinosaur accessory, a can of cat carefully labeled in Mandarin, and a free portrait of Marjory LeBreton knitting. Action features include a working libel suit launcher, a real swelling ego and an oversized wallet with real bragging motion.

2. Richard Warman

The Richard Warman figure comes complete with a free bonus stack of grievances and a pack of hurt feeling cards so you can play Human Rights Bingo. Download the free iPhone or Android app and you can assume up to five fictitious online identities. The app includes a special Richard! button, that will stop anyone in your household from saying anything.

3. Theresa Spence

The Chief Spence doll comes with a 12 pack of canned fish broth and a Cadillac Escalade. Action features on this figure include the "call police" feature. When activated, this will release the Attawapiskat police detachment who will then evict anyone heard asking you a question. The hunger strike action allows Chief Theresa to consume the fish broth1. Chief Theresa talks too, with a selection of famous phrases: "My hands are tied." "There's no trust." "It's the government's fault."

1 Weight loss simulated.

Watch toy stores and the left wing blogosphere for your chance to own this exclusive collection!!